Alien Harvest

(For the first part of this story click here.)Aliens 2Number 1: So how is the harvest going, Number 2?

Number 2: Overall, very well.  We hit a few problems but they mostly worked in our favour in the end.  For example, it turned out that most of the males couldn’t breed in captivity.  However, the males that will breed are able to produce a more than adequate rate of pregnancy.  The males and females that fail in the breeding pens are sent to slaughter.

Number 1: What is that irritating buzzing I can feel in my tentacle tips, Number 2?

Number 2: Oh, my apologies sir, I forgot to warn you about that.  Don’t worry, you get used to it after a while.

Number 1: But what is it?

Number 2: It’s the animals, sir.  Sometimes they vibrate the air that comes out of the respiratory organ so violently that we can feel it.  It’s worse when we tip their upper appendages (we have to remove the tips because they’ve been using them to damage each other and the equipment).

Number 1: Could it be a sign of distress?

Number 2: Oh no, sir! [laughs] It’s just a reflex, they can’t feel pain like we do.

Number 1: Oh good.  So tell me about the malnutrition problem.

Number 2: As you know, most of the incoming animals are malnourished in some way or other, sir.  The ones that are undernourished have such poor quality meat that we were considering not harvesting them at all.  However, we hit upon the ingenious idea of processing them into feed for the breeders (apart from the eyes, of course). [colours up proudly]

Number 1: What a fabulous idea, Number 2, I shall consider a suitable reward for your team.  Now, I gather that there have been significant problems with the milking pens…

Number 2: Well, the quality and quantity of the milk drops off radically when the offspring are removed.  Also, the females are having to be force-fed and there are numerous cases of mastitis and so on.  [blackens with fear]  We may have to consider dropping this side of the harvest sir.  There are just too many problems and the yields are too low.

Number 1: Don’t give up just yet Number 2.  Give our experts a bit more time to work on the issues.

Number 2: Yes, sir.  Will that be all, sir?

Number 1: Yes…  [distractedly] I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to that buzzing…

Posted on January 8, 2015, in Vegetarian and Vegan and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 41 Comments.

  1. Hilarious, disturbing and eye-opening. I love the pic!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s hilarious, Sarah!!! 😀


  3. I always wondered what other species think of the human species. As I suspected its not very favorable. Thanks for the laughs and the insights. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. 🙂 Especially love the illo.


  5. Brilliant and very entertaining! 😀


  6. This is brilliant and I wonder why people think it’s creepy when it’s exactly what we do to animals every single day. I think that’s horrific, actually. This is great Sarah.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Gigi. I wanted to present a new perspective on these issues, to get people thinking. I remember being a meat-eater and it’s very hard to get past the disconnect that we build up in childhood.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Reblogged this on Rethinking Life and commented:
    Sara wrote this brilliant piece, which I hope you will wall read.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh my I read this 3 times to get what you were writing about. My mind was not in this place at all and then I got it and I think very clever way to write something like this! Very! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Excellent! installment 3 coming when> 🙂


    • Thank you. I have no idea about the next installment. There’s nothing brewing yet. “Alien Report” was meant to be a standalone story but Gigi encouraged me to do more and my muse obliged. I’m waiting for her to deliver again. 🙂


  10. The easing of our conscience – such a convenient capacity is it not? Good work Sarah.

    P.S.I have just realised that the famous disappearing trick that WordPress seems occasionally to inflict upon us has been played upon me – you have vanished from my list of blog subscriptions. I am so sorry Sarah, and have corrected the matter now of course. Do let me know if this has been a widespread problem for you, as I would be keen to know. H ❤


    • Indeed. Thank you. 🙂

      I don’t think I have that particular problem but sometimes I have a problem with my “Likes” disappearing. Please don’t apologise Hariod, these things happen. May I apologise in return? I follow so many blogs (I know, I know) that I mostly visit those that visit me. Thus I hadn’t remembered to visit your blog until I saw your “Like” pop up yesterday. Sorry.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. After years of foie gras being banned in California, it is now on the menus again. And after reading about cruelty to poultry, more generally, I very much appreciate your post.


    • That’s sad news about the foie gras. I hope someone kicks up a stink.
      I’m glad you appreciated the message in my story. As Gigi said in an earlier comment, the kinds of things done to the humans in the story are done to animals in real life. And the numbers involved are just staggering.


  12. This reads like a horror story to me. Maybe it’s my huge imagination. But it’s so important from many different perspectives. I love this line: “Oh no, sir! [laughs] It’s just a reflex, they can’t feel pain like we do.” This would be a great movie!


    • Thanks, I’m glad you like it. Sorry it’s so horrible but I was trying to reframe the whole animal welfare issue, and some of the things that are done to animals are truly horrific.


  1. Pingback: Happy World Vegan Day | Anglo Saxon Celt Creates Art and Craft

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