Alien Report

AlienssmallNumber 2:  Reporting, sir!

Number 1: Yes Number 2?

Number 2: We’ve identified a candidate species.  Removal is projected to stabilize the climate, increase biodiversity, and halt various kinds of serious environmental degradation.

Number 1: Sentience?

Number 2: No significant telepathic or chromatic communication, no faster-than-light travel, and no ability to optimize their environment.  (Sir, [vibrates with disgust] they excrete into their water sources, and dump vast quantities of other waste products into the water, soil and air.)

Number 1: Bottom line?

Number 2: Mature individuals can breed at any time with minimal preparation.  Most of the flesh consists of high quality protein and fat.  It’s a little contaminated due the animal’s dirty habits but it can be cleaned up.  The skin can be treated and used as clothing and so on.  The eyeballs are particularly tasty and may turn out to be a highly profitable luxury item.  The females lactate, and we may be able to use some of the glands for perfume.

Number 1: So Number 2…, this is going to be a very profitable harvest.  :mrgreen:

Posted on January 3, 2015, in Vegetarian and Vegan and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. looking around
    seeing that some
    like hansel & gretel
    are plumping up
    nicely 🙂


  2. OMG…perfect description. I love this. What a great story for a Saturday morning:) More please:)


  3. At the rate we are going that way, I guess we truly need to be abducted to learn our lessons!! 😀


  4. I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry. What a very narcissistic species we are. Lovely bit of whimsy to make us look at the hard truths. 😀


    • Thank you. 🙂 I woke with this in my head on New Year’s day. I wasn’t sure whether to share it or not but decided that it might prompt some useful introspection. It seems like the right time of year to be looking at hard truths.


  5. How ironic that the “most intelligent” species is destroying the planet.


  6. Scary, but truly important. I particularly like the part of us being considered not sentient because of the different criteria.


    • Yes, I think this is an important idea. Many people think that because animals can’t speak that they don’t suffer or experience the same quality of life that we do. We can’t assume anything about their level of sentience based on our inability to communicate with them. I’m convinced that animals live rich and meaningful lives, and that they shouldn’t be treated like commodities.


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